That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
