bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
