...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
