I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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