So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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