you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Can I color on your dick again?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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