3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
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I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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