Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Did I show you my penis last night?
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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