You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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