I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
