Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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