I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
