ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
