His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
