All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
