the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
