What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
