i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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