oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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