My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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