You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
