you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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