It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
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just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
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You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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