WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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