his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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