It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
