I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
