Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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