they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
