All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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