My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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