is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
