I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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