Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Come share oat with me in your robe
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
