I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
