I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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