did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
