Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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