I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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