Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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