Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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