Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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