I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
