I haven't been this sober since birth.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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