My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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