Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
