I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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