If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize