I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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