So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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