we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
please come you make the beer taste better
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
