Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
