i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
