just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
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i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
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Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea