Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.