where am i from again
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.