I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.