Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
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the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
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If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize