can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
