I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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