I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
