I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
