After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
