Moan for me like Helen Keller
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
