Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
